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Repressed Grief
I lost my mother 21 years ago and never grieved. I can tell it's affecting me now. How do I begin the process since I have repressed it so well? I can't just sit down and "grieve."
Response
You have already begun the process by asking the question. The Chinese proverb,"the journey of 10,000 miles begins UNDER OUR FEET". Not, as is so often translated "with the first step". Under your feet.You have begun to grieve by recognizing the repression. Do you see why the repression was a coping skill? Or, how it was a coping skill? To my mind, we take on the tasks of healing and wholeness in our lives when we have the resources necessary to meet the demands of what is being asked. How old were you when your Mother died? What did you need to do to survive? How has
your life changed and how have you changed so that you are ready to begin integrating your Mother and her death into the fabric of your life? Once you begin to answer these questions, you will begin to create your unique path into grieving for your Mother. Don't be fooled into thinking that there is one "way" to do this. We must each create our own way that honestly reflects the relationship we had/have with the person who has died. Does your Mother truly feel "lost" to you? How can you find her and bring her back into your life... Do you even want to? I am here to continue engaging
you with the questions and the answers, if you desire. Thank
you for sharing your questions.