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Loss of a child
Two months ago my Grandson age 9 passed away after a battle with Fanconis Anemia. I was very close to this child and the loss is so very profound. I want to help my daughter and the rest of the family but if I try to talk - I end up crying. I can only open the door of my grief a tiny bit once in a while or I feel I will just melt down. I don't know what to do. I was widowed twice before but this is so much harder.
Response
Your grief is not separate from or less than your daughter's grief. You all need each other's help to move through this loss together. I remember having a dream when I first began grieving with families struggling to live with the loss of a child. In this dream, my son was gone and each time I realized he was gone I would weep and weep and weep until I fell asleep. And then I would awake (in the dream) with the strength to weep again. When I awoke from that dream, which was 15 years ago, I understood that we can take in only as much grief as we can hold. Eventually, we take it all in but in our own time. Each member of your family will have their own unique rhythm as your grandson's death becomes part of your lives. You need each other to be open, honest, and present just as you all need family, friends, and community who can be open, honest, and present with you. This is a lifelong journey that you have all begun together. What you discov er on your path; images, ideas, stories, friendships, you will share with your family even as they will share with you. Don't try to be strong for anyone. Be true to your grief and it will teach you how to live this loss.