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Afraid of Losing Again
I'm 26 year's old and I feel like I have suffered so much loss in my early year's. When I was ten my father commited suicide, then my much loved nan passed away then my cousin commited suicide when I was 23 then i had a still born child but wait there's more 6 weeks ago my mum (my best friend)
passed fom a brain hemmorhage and cancer. I feel so scared that everyone I get close to dies on me And I fear that my husband or my 5 month old baby are going to die too. I feel alone and they are all that I have If I lose them too my life is not worth living.
Please Help
Response
Your feelings and your fears are natural responses to such overwhelming experiences of loss no matter what your age! Having them so early in your life is asking more of you than it feels you can hold right now. It is amazing to me still, after more than 30 years of counseling (both as a therapist and as a patient), how our minds can hold ideas that we know cannot be true such as your fear that anyone you get close to will die. It is true that everyone dies. Will everyone I love die before I do? Perhaps. Will everyone you love die before you do? Perhaps. How can we live our lives and love in the face of that uncertainty? With devotion to life and to those we love. With deep compassion for our losses and for our selves. With deep roots in our beliefs whatever they may be. Fear is a healthy response when our lives are being threatened. Fear is a warning to pay attention to what is threatening us. Sometimes our fears are based in our minds, our thoughts, our ideas. Then our goal is to change our minds, our thoughts and ideas so that they are no longer threatening. We can't change what happens in life but we can change how we think about it. Often we need guidance, help, support, and inspiration. Not all of it at the same time and from the same source. Right now, it seems that it woul be helpful for you to have guidance and support in meeting your fears and changing the thoughts and ideas that are shaping these fears. Does this make sense? How does it sound? I look forward to hearing from you.
Deborah Coryell
deborah@goodgrief.org