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Grief - How to Communicate Needs?
In the wake of multiple losses, the most recent being only last week, I need all the support I can get, but it can be difficult to communicate that need to someone, especially if they don't share my loss or haven't experienced a comparable one. People will ask me how I am doing, but dont seem to be comfortable with the real answer to that question. In the worst case, with a close friend, my attempt to communicate a need for more meaningful support elicited outright hostility for "stressing him out."
Like everyone, he has his own set of problems, and I know it takes a special kind of personal grace to be comfortable dealing with the pain and needs of others. Evidently, it also takes a special state of grace to be able to communicate those needs without evoking a defensive, even hostile response.
I pray for grace, including that needed to make others more comfortable asking me for help.
Response
There is a belief that I hold that the one who is grieving becomes the teacher. Each of us, as we stand in the place of need and vulnerability, has the responsibility to teach those around us what it is that is being asked of them so that when we are in their place we will know. Some say this isn't "fair". The one in need should not have an added burden of being the teacher. I say it is what balances the scales. To be the light in our own darkness reminds us that power and powerlessness are one coin.