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How to spend my brother's birthday
my brother died in a terrible accident this past june. he was only 19. his birthday is coming up in march and i am not sure how to handle it. my mom will want to go to the cemetary, but i feel that we need to celebrate his life even though inside all i have is pain.
what ever we do i know other people will want to be with us so i want it to be constructive for everyone.
Response
I am personally and professionally committed to honoring and celebrating the important days we share each year with those we love whether they are alive or dead. My dad's birthday is tomorrow (Jan. 29) and I have been thinking for some weeks of how I want to celebrate his birth. I can hear that some part(s) of you feels that all that you have inside is pain. And I also can hear that there is love inside of you as well. And longing and ....what else? Perhaps your brother's birthday is an opportunity to re-member (to put together again) some connection you (and your family) have to him in addition to the pain of loss. I sat once with a woman whose 18 year old son had died in a car accident who wept at the enormous/overwhelming impossibility of getting past her pain to re-connect with the joy, laughter, love and sweetness of her son! Yes, it was an enormous challenge but not impossible. Celebrations of love are the antidotes to the crushing pain of loss. Be creative. Be free. You are the only one you need to satisfy on your brother's birthday.