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The death of my parents
My Mother died of cancer when I was 12 years old. After that event, it seemed as though I could not really "feel" anything. Like I was living in a glass house watching others live, but only as a spectator, not as a participant. Last July, My father passed away of a heart related illness. Now I just feel... to be honest, I don't know how to feel anymore. How do I live or love in this world without feeling ???
Response
I don't believe that one can live without feeling and (therefore) occasionally feeling pain. Just as the ability to feel physical pain ensures that we won't die of some injury without knowing that we've been injured, so does the ability to feel emotional pain let us know that we've been injured and need to engage the healing process. Or we die emotionally, which is what you are describing. The good news is that you are aware and recognize that you (as we all) need help to find your way. To begin to understand the 12 year old girl who lived in a glass house, you might want to read Hope Edeleman's book "Motherless Daughters" (also available on audio). It could be an opening into that part of yourself. Without knowing where you live, what your circumstances are or even how old you are now, it is difficult to say much more. Your father's death has opened you in a place that felt closed off. Again, that's the good news. Now, to stay open and probe the woundedness, to feel again, needs loving, wise and persistent attention. Do you feel that you can find that?