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stuck in grief
On the 28th of this year it will be the sixth anniversary of my husbands death. When he died suddenly, our children were only 3 and 6. In addition we had just moved to a new location, and because of my alcoholic family of origin I had no family support. Also just prior to our move I had the most finacially successful year of my life. I feel like I'm stuck in a mode of learned helplessness, feeling overwhelmed. I attend a weekly grief group, take antidepressants and anti anxiety meds, I have developed tachychardia, which exacerbates my fear of what will become of my children, if something happens to me. I am also very angry and sad that my children are experincing the same kind of pain I had growing up in an alcoholic home (abandonment, fear, trust, safety). How do I get unstuck and move forward with work and love so my children and I can feel joy again?
Response
I cannot give you a quick or simple answer for getting "unstuck". I believe in taking one step at a time and, in times of overwhelm, not looking ahead but looking at the ground under my feet. When I am lost, I remind myself that the way out is the reverse of how I got in - and that the challenge of grief is not to allow my suffering to diminish my joy. There is no way for any of us to live free of fear and abandonment issues. Trust and safety are states of mind that each of us must find for ourselves. Perhaps right now, focusing on what might help you to find trust in life and what it might mean to feel safe, would be the gift you could give to your children - and that would open a path of work, love and joy. Creating a relationship within yourself to trust is the beginning of a spiritual path. Do you have support for this in your life?