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death and my life
My mother died on May 20,2002.My
mother and I had a very destructive relationship and took great pleasure in hurting each other.I hurt but I'm not exactly sure how I hurt-not sure if that makes any sense-she and I will never get a chance to make this work
Response
The death of someone with whom we have had a difficult, conflicted and/or destructive relationship presents unique challenges to our grieving. The idea that we will never be able to have a more satisfying/loving relationship with that person colors our loss, to be sure. I do not believe, however, that it needs to be the only color that we see. One of the things I have learned over the years of sitting with so many individuals grappling with so many losses is that separation does not necessarily mean the relationship is over. We continue to think about, imagine and even speak to those who are no longer physically present in our lives - we sometimes can even "hear" them respond to us whether in a dream, an imaginary conversation, a written dialogue or through an omen. It is important that we not dismiss the imagination as a fertile ground for continuing the healing of our grief. I have written about this in my book "Good Grief" and the authors of "The Grief Recovery Handbook also speak about this. Keep your mind and heart open; keep asking the questions that can guide you along this journey.