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death of me part2
I am angry at my better self because he embodies values that ended up betraying me. The pain seems a huge price to pay for the wisdom I have garnered. I am no longer seeing a therapist as I was in the beginning because in addition to all my friends, our (as a couple) friends, my family and even some of her family, my therapist was encouraging me to go for the jugular. Instead I made huge concessions again and again in exchange for nothing but empty promises (I call these lies). I don't feel good about the revenge in terms of the suffering it will cause. I do feel good that I am standing up for myself in the most forceful way possible. That is the conflict.
Response
My belief system tells me that it is not possible for the "values of the better self" to betray. Either it is not a betrayal or they were not values of the better self. True wisdom always seems to extract a huge price yet time teaches us that the price ultimately was appropriate. My prayers for you is that standing up for yourself will require less and less conflict.