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another death
my grampa died in may 2003 and before that my grandmother died 7 years before. i am afraid to speak to anyone or meet anyone new or get close to anyone even family because i dont want to feel what i do now when someone i love dies. i have turned inward and am afraid to come out. i dont know yet if i want to comeout to the world or not. somehow i feel my past and the future will be defined by who dies next. my grandfather told me after my grandmothers death to never forget her. i am talking his own advice about his death. i dont want to forget him. but i remember my grandmother as a memory, and i dont want that same feeling about my grampa, i want to remember him as being alive. how does one go through the steps of remembering people who have died in a positive way. i dont want to think of death as i remember my grandmother and grandfather.
Response
Let me respond to your second question first. How does one remember in a positive way someone who has died? By doing all those "simple" things you did with your loved one or for someone else. For instance, if you always celebrated your birthday together, on your next birthday include your grandfather in your celebration, even if it is only by eating his favorite ice cream. If your grandmother loved flowers, give someone flowers with her memory in your heart--or plant a garden and paint her name on a stone. Continue to do the things you loved to do with your grandparents and keep them alive in your heart and mind. The first question is a bit more difficult to address: how to continue to live and love in the face of loss? "Is it better to have loved and lost or never to have loved at all?" Each of us has to struggle with this questions--can we build a fence around our heart? There is a beautiful book called "The Little Prince"--it might be good for you to read. The central character in this book deals with this question but only you can answer it for yourself. Given the relationship you have with your grandparents, can you struggle to live with their loss?