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death of husband
My husband of 13 years died after a long illness. His death was expected by all but myself. I am well versed in the 5 stages of loss/grief, and felt I knew what to expect of myself.
Yet, there is an overwhelming sense of guilt when I do anything "normal", such as eating, laundry, grocery shopping, etc.
What is happening???
Response
We speak about "preparing" our minds for the death of a beloved but I am not certain that it is possible to prepare our hearts. The "stages" of grief are a misnomer because we hear the word "stages" and believe that each stage follows sequentially when they really happen forwards, backwards and simultaneously. Kubler-Ross (who actually spoke of the stages of dying and those stages were super-imposed mistakenly on grieving) has often said she wished she had never opened that door. It has created such confusion. Your feelings of guilt when you attempt to do anything "normal" are absolutely understandable. To the part of your psyche that has died along with your husband doing laundry, eating, shopping, etc. is a betrayal of death. To the part of you that continues to live, these are necessary acts. The grief you feel is attempting to bridge your husband's death with your life. Words seem so inadequate to express the depth of your experience but sometimes they are all we have.