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anxiety at night
My husband died unexpectedly a little over three months ago. He died in bed. I wake up at night and my heart is pounding so hard I think I am going to die also. The more I pay attention to it, the worse it gets. I've had an EKG and it was OK. Xanax doesn't help except it finally puts me to sleep an hour or two later. I've tried breathing exercises and a hot rice bag. I find that any little thing during the day can suddenly become too much for me emotionally. Even small problems seem bigger than life and unmanageable. I exercise daily, do yoga, read spiritual books and books on grief, do what I can or what needs to be done, but the time seems endless and empty. I am trying to be aware and to be present with my feelings. What more can I do? When does this begin to move toward some resolution? I still miss Jim terribly and it seems everything reminds me of that every minute. It feels like this will never get better.
Response
Is there a grief support group and/or grief therapist available to you? It sounds like you would benefit from connection with others who are walking your path. One of the great challenges of grief is that there is often nothing to "do" and yet "doing" is the only thing that alleviates our anxiety (if only temporarily). Writing a journal (perhaps an open dialogue with Jim?) can be helpful and, although it might not bring "resolution", it can be a source of tranquility when you feel anxious. Keep doing what you're doing -breathing, exercise, yoga, spiritual reading - and trust your journey.