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Termination
I recently had a terminaton of pregnancy at age 18. The exact same night I found out about the pregnancy, my partner cheated on me and the next day I found out about it. We are no longer together. I feel great loss for the child (although I chose to have the procedure and do not regret it) and also the loss of a really good relationship and friend. I feel completely lost now and floundering, unsure what to do about my feelings. I cry myself to sleep every night hoping that I won't wake up the next day. It has only been a few days since the procedure and I know some suggest time heals all wounds but I don't believe that is all it will take. I would really appreciate any advice you could give me on my situation!
Response
The good news is there is nothing "to do" with your feelings. They are simply asking you to notice them so that you can have some reflection of what is going on at a deeper level. The losses you are experiencing are profound and life changing. The young woman you were before this relationship and pregnancy has evolved into the young woman you are now. Some people might describe it as a "loss of innocence". Whatever it is called, you have entered a new stage of your life and the old one is gone. That is a grief, too. The confusion sometimes when we are confronted by grief is that we are taught that we need "to do" something with our grief. Actually, our grief is opening us. We are wounded by loss and betrayal and a wound is an opening. Most of us rush to close or cover a wound but often the wound needs air - it needs to be exposed not hidden away or covered up. I would recommend that you find a place where you can safely and openly talk about your feelings. Is there a support group at the clinic where you terminated your pregnancy? If not, call your local planned parenthood office. I honor the wisdom in you that has recognized your feelings and that time does not heal all wounds. That is a great misunderstanding of the teaching that healing takes time. Not the same!