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self destruct
My husband left our marriage of 26 years, some of it triggered by 9/11. why do I feel so self destructive. I have so much pain I feel physically ill, and thought about hurting myself. Most of the time I am so anxious and worried that I feel I can't take it one more minute.
Response
When we feel betrayed and abandoned by someone we've trusted, we often turn our anger and our need to lash out against ourselves. As crazy as it sounds (and feels), it is actually a "normal" response; meaning the majority of people respond in this way initially. But we must keep moving, we can't stay in one place emotionally as we move through our lives. Hopefully, we soon recognize that we are not to blame and we are not to be punished when life challenges all that we hold to be real and true. We need to acknowledge the changes that are going on in our lives and begin to develop skills and resources to meet those changes. I don't like to talk about stages in the grieving process because each grief and each individual is unique. Yet, change and the grief attendant on most change takes time. It is important to be aware of the pitfalls along the way e.g. moving too quickly or, conversely, becoming paralyzed - and often need the reflection of family, friends and trusted counselors to find our way.