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My moms suicide
I lost my 25 yr old son in 2003, my precious dad in Jan of 2006 and my mom to suicide ( a 22c gun shot wound to her head) in March of 2008.
I'm finally at peace with my son, although I admit it was hard for about 2-3 years. I'm at peace with my dad. But the suicide of my Mom haunts me. I can't feel any peace about it. I even wonder crazy things like, were her eyes open when the police found her? Did she do this standing or sitting down? Was she calling out to God to forgive her or screaming or crying in pain and loneliness for my dad? Did she do it out of sheer spite?
I realize its only been 4 months, will it ever get better? Seems I am going backward in my "recovery".
Response
Peace comes with surrender: Surrender to the mystery of, perhaps, never having answers.There are many questions swirling around you right now. One can feel that your questions are begging to be asked; but maybe cannot be answered. I happen to be of the personal belief that the taking of one's own life is not a "sin" and is even an individual's "right",if so chosen. Yet, knowing that you have been asked to find your way through your son's death and your father's, it would be impossible to not question your mother's decision.So,to your specific question about whether you will ever find peace again? Yes.... if that is your intention, to find peace, you will. And it might begin to come as soon as you can let go of the questions themselves and rest in the trust that sometimes we don't get answers. We can choose to believe that there is a wisdom beyond our knowledge; beyond answers.I do. I am more than willing to speak with you either on the forum, privately on our website or
even on the telephone. There are no charges for our services. My heart is with you.