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loss of mom
My mother passed away in February from metastatic melanoma. It took her approximately 3 weeks to die from initial diagnosis. We were able to prepare somewhat for her death and take care of her at home and let her go peacefully. I still however, am in shock at the suddeness of which she detoriated. I know some people don't even get the luxury of 3 weeks, but it still is hard for me. I also really feel sad for my father. They were married for 54 years. I know I can do nothing more than just be there for him, but my heart aches for him.
Response
Staying present with an open, aching heart asks everything of us. It is everything! From that place, we find our way into a life that includes those we love who are not physically present. The grace you were given in having some time with your mom and in helping her to be at home and peace-full is already weaving that new life. As is your helplessness to ease your father's and your own pain right now. Try not to diminish any of that by making comparisons to others who might have had less time, less love, less peace. Your relationship with your mother has not ended. Nor has your father's marriage. It has taken a sudden, devastating, painful and unknown turn. But it is not over. Your ability to stay open and present will show you the way. As one of my teachers (Stephen Levine) once said: "If I could take away the pain, I would not." It is your guide, your ally, your teacher, your humanity. The creative forces of the universe are set in motion by the forces of destruction.