 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
Stillborn baby
I was seven months along when my baby was born stillborn. I was already receiving counceling and my son in behavoir counceling. Yesterday I found out that the lady my son and I see for behaviour and parenting couceling is pregnant. My other councelor told me she was pregnant about a month ago. There are several other people that are or have become pregnant since the death of my son Julien. Yesterday was the straw that broke the camels back. I cried for two hours straight not feeling like I had anyone to talk to. I don't want to but I feel hate deep inside my heart of these people. All I want is my baby and I can't. I feel all the people I wanted to trust with my feelings have let me down. I'm so confussed I just don't know were to turn.
Please help,
Extremely hopeless
Response
Loss feels like a betrayal. We feel betrayed by g-d; betrayed by friends and family; betrayed by life. The price of betrayal is trust. We can't trust anyone or anything. To me, that price is too high. It takes away even our relationship to what we love and "lost". To continue loving your son, your (stillborn) child, you need to trust that love. Trusting that love (of your children) can lead you out of the hate and despair you are in. I say this to you because I feel the love you are missing as you hate those around you living their lives even as your life has "stopped". Trust that you don't understand why your child was stillborn and why you are suffering but keep your heart open to the love your children "birth" in you - breathe life into that love - the hatred will cease to "call" you. Death does not end our love - it can end life but not love unless we chose to stop loving.